Monday, September 26, 2011

USGP CX at Sun Prairie, WI

So after watching on Saturday, I got to race the SS race on Sunday morning. IT was an absolute swamp. We got several showers that really got things good and swampy. I am not really sure what is wrong with me. I knew it was going to be crappy, and I still did not put mud tires on (Michelin Mud 2's).
For some reason I was also under this impression that you got a set of AVID Shorty Ultimate cantilever brakes for taking the holeshot. So when I got called up (how I cannot fathom) I quickly assessed the situation. The Craig Etheridge (who crushed everyone and rode through the entire masters field) was back again, so I knew that I was going to be relegated to scrapping for whatever was left. I got a front row position so when the gun went off a really stood on it and went right to the front (remember, I think that I am going to win a brakeset for getting the hole shot), and no one contested it. I lead for about a 1/4 lap and then a couple riders came around.

Racing in mud that soft is always draining, but the grass and mud was building up around my V-brakes creating extra drag.

I did my best to chase down the masters racers and remain upright, but it was slow and slimey.
If I was not so absolutely shelled I would have cared that I was covered with filth and mud that had so thoroughly penetrated my skinsuit, soaked my chamois, and created the sensation of having soiled ones diaper.

I then waddled over to the pressure wash station to try to clean up my bike, only to have some guy come over and turn off the pressure washers, saying that they had to save the water for the UCI Pro race.

I was tempted to unzip my skinsuit , scoop out some grundle mud, and artistically express my true feelings of inadequacy on this dudes forehead. I managed to contain my artistic proclivities, and went chase down my new brakes (for winning the holeshot). The officials that I talked to, looked at me like I was high when I asked about the brakeset. Apperently, I created a imaginary preme for winning the holeshot. There was a $250 prize for the pro's but nobody else got anything, other than the chance to lead 25 weird dudes for about 2 minutes. Don't get me wrong, I have never entered a race precisely because I was going to win something, but I was so bewildered that I had conjured this imaginary, non-existant prime. Maybe it was hearing Dave Towle repeat the phrase, "the AVID Shorty Ultimate Holeshot!" for 2 days. Never doubt the underhanded, brainwashing potential of SRAM's marketing ploys.
I have some more thoughts that I will try to get down later this week. My time is at a premium , so time devoted to bloggage is slim. Jasper managed to eat part of a manilla envelope while I was making dinner. About 2 minutes later it looked like a scene from the exorcist. He threw up so much! I almost got it cleaned up before Ali walked in....almost. We both were chastised. So no more multitasking while I have Jasper duty.


RadRenner said...

Dude, I woulda thought the same thing after hearing that all day. But hey, you went for it and you got it, so screw the prize.

"I do not offer the old, smooth prizes, I offer rough, new prizes..." W.W.

Malcolm said...

Haha, nice, imaginary holeshot prizes!

You are the best!

You coming down to Omaha?

Fort Collins?

What ratio?